S & S Deprived

The first S is sleep.

Law schooling deprived me of an ample amount of Sleep. The tons and piles of SCRA (Supreme Court Rulings Annotated) to read are way, way too much that zzzzz is becoming a rare commodity. Nowadays, I get to sleep 3 hours daily. 

Sex is the second S. Hahaha. Joke!

When school started, I rarely get to see my friends thus my Social life (or my life for that matter) is reduced to  books and SCRA and UST. My ala security guard class schedule limits me from joining get togethers. And oh, I have not been to malls for a very long time. Eff, Zara and MNG are on mid year sale!

 * * * * *

Sana August 5 na, I’ll be 200k richer and Ipad!

FYF

The next time you berate me, you will have to eat your words. 

Hahaha

I will write an entry later here. I am so kilig that I want to share it. 

Missed

 Yeah. Your birthday. Hahaha. I was so anxious days before only to forget it on the day itself. Gee, what was on my mind then? 

Wasted Anxiety

Gee, nothing really happened today. I was awake the whole time last night waiting for the results and as I write this entry, no updates can be found. Tsk. The stress is becoming unbearable as this is only prolonging my agony. I am dead serious about this matter because my future is at stake here. I lost my slot in the other  institution already. Very stupid of me for being stingy. That 3000 could be my saving grace. I shouldn’t have been complacent and confident.

I missed my 8:30am event also. Tsk. 

* * * * *

Well, I guess this will be my last entry here. I am moving on to Tumblr. Hahaha. Well, if you find me there, you are proving another Kathryn’s work. Thank you i.ph for being my daily drama absorber. 

I dread

… April 17 for three reasons:

1. Did I make it?

I am not really confident because I wasn’t able to answer the examination properly… err… correctly. When I took it, I made a mental note that I’ll just work my way in through the essay part. But boy, I found out that my answer to the essay question is all crap! Nakakahiya talaga!  Minimum of 8 and maximum 0f 10 sentences, yet, I was not able to make a persuasive or even an informative entry. 

2. Shall I accept it?

I can sense the urgency over the phone. I am feeling all guilty about not having to live by the checked agreement.  My superhero complex wants to rescue your arse but I am afraid that I might quit after 4 weeks. Or that I might lose the enthusiasm again. Rar! Commitments—you are making me corporate phobic always.

3.  Do I have enough moola?

My April allowance is gone—scammed big time! But I am not losing hope as 7 years of friendship is at stake here. Surely, you wouldn’t want me to berate you forever over 15k, ayt? Moving on, I am contemplating whether to bring home 2 additinal playmates for Coco love. I know, very funny on how a bum like me can afford to pay for my lifestyle. Answer: thank God for daddies! I so love my father for his utmost generosity.

Okay, if number 2 gets favorable, I am bringing home a pair of Shih tomorrow night. Lord, please help me discern. Holy Spirit, come unto me.  (I am not using the name of the Lord in vain here, I am very serious as 25k is at stake here). 

 PS: That’s it for now. Updates tom. Hopefully with pics. Did you miss me? Or you missed reading yourself? Hahaha.

Looks. Stops. Giggles.

  This day reminds me of my happiest Internship day in SCB two years ago.

It was Friday. I reported to work late of about 65 minutes. Why? Simply because I was so undecided  on what to wear on this very heart attack inducing day— I was set to meet the most biased and judgmental person ever (that was what I thought then). Clad in my Kimono inspired top, pants, and 3 inch heels, I am all set.

But my load of work did not cooperate. I ws asked to do OT. I was like, “Oh my effin Fate”. 

****Gruesome. I cannot continue this entry. 

PS: Only 5 souls can ever understand this post. Me included. Sadly, the 3 of them have no idea of this space’s existence. So to the only soul (who is very forgetful, btw) who might have been reading this, I know that you are so visiting this page. Hahaha. Assuming much? Well, my YM stat is a good teaser, I guess. Just kidding!

Is She?

I really have no idea whatsoever but I have the feeling. And this feeling wont dissipate. Shitty! I need to write it down here or else I might do something very stupid again. Why am I close to choosing A? Expecting already? Gee, I want a falling star right now. 

* * * * *

To pass my time so that i won’t commit dumb acts, I have decided to do online window shopping. God knows hows much I am trying to control my spending habits but the F21,Urbanoutfitters, and MNG websites are making me lose all my sanity. I have carted a lot already and ….!

Aren’t these lovely?

f21 loot

UO goodies

MNG is LOVE

  Seriously, now I can see the value of being thin. And maintaining such figure—There are so many articles for thin! Hahaha. The random things about my fashion sense or the lack thereof:

1. I like F21 for their fashionable dresses that are very budget friendly. The coats are the best! Isn’t the tiger-ish coat simply adorable? Tomasino much?!

2. UO’s always on sale. One can always score great finds in this score as most items are just $9.99 each. Nah, where in Manila can you see designer items worth 500php?

3. MNG will always be my favorite! Aside from the sweet fact that I always get my subscription magazine from Spain (for FREE), I get to score goodies with the codes being sent to me. How I wish thatI can use them here.  Hahaha.

4. I am always on the safe side when it comes to colors. Black, white, aubergine and lavander are my picks.

5. I am not really into accessories thus I always get the ones (clothes) with embellishments on itself. 

6. I don’t know if I am fixated with the story of Alladin but I can swear off my addiction to trousers ala Alladin. Hahaha!

7. As for dresses, I always go for tube or assymetrical styles. I find my being flat chested sexy eh.

8. Ditto with neckline cuts. I want it low cut. Giving my not so blessed babies enough ventilation as I don’t like wearing bras.Mainit kasi! 

9. I dig for empire cut bodice as to improve on my lack of humps. 

10. Anything “ruffles” is okay with me because of number 5.

Why?

I am back! Hahaha. Okay. I know I have so many posts related to my coming home after  few nights in the arms of my new lover. Gee, I missed my bed and my messy room! There’s no scent that could give me the sweetest slumber ever other than my room. Or Queen’s. Hahaha. (If you get this, just laugh it off.)

Whoa, finally! No more Poker—I have kicked the what could have been my addiction.Yikes!

* * * * *

Someone was calling me around 3:30pm today. And I did not pick it up. I just let it ring until it ended. Obviously. Hahaha.  Well, let us just say that I am a coward. Truth is, I so detest surprises. I hate it that I am left in the dark. But I am not nosy, okay? Had I picked it up, I’d be crazy all the more. Gosh, baka maglasing pa ulit ako sa Jack’s Loft.Hehehe.

Now, let us play guessing game. What was the agendum? 

A. Someone is getting married soon. Wow, is sensitivity lacking again? Did I subscribe to any updates? Can I just send “UPDATES OFF” to 2366? I wish…

B.  “Hey, send those gifts” reminder. Forgive me, I was so busy to ship out my Christmas gift. Promise, I’ll do it within the week. Hopefully, I am off the hook until God knows when.

C. “Did you do it?” Whaaaaat?!!! I just thought that maybe, for the nth time that I didn’t notice it, I am charged again. Hurled wiith accussations and the likes. Come on, there’s no cure to your insecurity. Don’t makethe  “abused becoming the abuser” in me. I have no more intentions of getting back at you. I rest my case. ALL YOURS! Isaksak mo pa sa baga mo since magkakasya naman—Gara (when she was consoling over my lost of self esteem then). 

D. Another soul is jobless, too. And that needs some help. maybe some strings to be pulled to re-align connections again. Shall I  get started on putting up my own manpower agency? Hahaha.Kidding only. I am very much willing to help as long as I could. Some has the idea of how generous I can be….at times. 

E. “Remember when?”.Yeah, I do, I have a retentive memory and I am accountable with everything that I have divulged in that 90minute phone conversation. How can I forget? I was charged by Globe around 800 pesos for that. Thanks to lamby’s postpaid line, talk all I want. Seriously, I enjoyed that conversation. You made me feel that you care. Going back, I know that May is fast approaching, I am going to shoulder half of the celebration (if requested). Or I can just open an account for the cutest soul I know. Of course, next to the original “Tita Lei” caller.

F. None of the above. Hahaha. Ikaw naman, masyado kang assuming! Sana kasi sinagot mo nalang para di ka nag-iisip ngayon.

Choices aside, I knew it in my heart that I made the right choice. I am trying to be a believer of “what you do not know will never hurt you” philosophy/drama. I don’t want to subject my heart into another break/tearing episodes ever again. Ang sakit sakit na eh (Basha, paborrow via One More Chance). I’d bet that I am a totally different person now had I answered the call. Even if I don’t want to get affected, it’ll creep into my system. And Absolut may not be able to make me feel numb, even, 

Also, if the call was of great importance, that number will appear on my Javelin repeatedly.  But it did not. No SMS, too. It was not important and let’s leave it at that. 

Now, convince yourself, LK. Busted.

Resurrection

Happy Easter Sunday, everyone!

So did you go on egg hunting? Well, I wanted to. But you know, things aren’t on my side as I write. Hahaha. Enough. I actually had a nice Easter entry today but my lappie is somewhat acting up. Okay, being the not techie person that I am, I tried to dload some anti virus to clean the system. I scheduled the boot scan using Avast last night. As the scanning progresses, the software detected a lot of vurus. So I chose the delete all option not knowing that the files associated with it will be deleted as well. Stop! Don’t laugh at my stupidity. Tsk. I cried at the thought that all my college files were gone already. And the pictures, as well! 

Well, I am looking at this unfateful event as a sign that life has to move on—-leave thy past behind and start anew. 

* * * * * *

Gee, I have a new inspiration!

The ART

Yesterday’s conversation with Camile (college sweetie) made me miss the art I knew so well. For quite some time, I have perfected such. I even advised her to do the same thing whenever faced with too much provocations. Now that I am experiencing the consequences of being the opposite, she asks:

Where’s the girl who perfected the art of playing dead?

Gee, where is she? I really wonder too because I miss her so much. She’s the only one who can save me from further stupidity. Hahaha. But Cams quick to tell me:

You miss your old self? But you’re wonderful now, sweet and nice. Still feisty. 

Really? I think I lost the touch already. Or so I thought? Nah, I can never go back to my old self. I can never be “that” again. I cannot play dead anymore because I have opened my heart. I can feel now. I am feeling you right now. 

Paglilibing

Our family hosted this year’s Paglilibing kay Jesus. 

Starting All Over Again

I had a very happy and blessed day today. It may be April Fools but everything that happened today are real. And hopefully will continue as long as I live. Hahaha.

*Started my day eating Goto. I just requested for a lugaw (you now that’s my fave) but my loving mom cooked Goto. Sorry, I wasn’t able to live by my “meatless” week. But tom, I will for sure. 

*For lunch, we had Kare-Kare. Twas good but the bagoong isn’t as delish as Tita Evie’s.Yay, I suddenly remebered my Fun Run (for PE finals) last year wherein F feteched me in McDo Q. Ave and gave me the best lugaw (from Auring’s) I’ve ever tasted. Then after the Fun Run, he gave me a plastic of bagoong. If my memory is serving me right, bagoong was given because I was craving for mangoes then. And the bagoong you buy in the streets aren’t clean, so sure HEPA na yun according to him. 

*After lunch, I tuned in boob tube. Channel 2. Haha. There I was a tvc of One MOre Chance to be shown at 2:30pm. I patiently waited for that as I want to assess whether the movie will hit me in the bones. Well, I cried. I can so feel the emotions of the actors. Would I be super stupid to wish or to think that it’s the movie of my life? Maybe secretly, I am waiting for a One More Chance ending, too.

*The movie ended arounf 4:30pm so I just prepared for Visita Iglesia. The original plan did not materialize so I was left doing the visitations alone. 

*At 7pm, my Guiguinto churches list is complete. So I hailed a tricycle to drive me to the Seminary. My lola told me that inside the seminary are 5 churches already plus a confession session in the gym. So I only needed 2 more to complete—Pulong Gubat Church and San Ildefonso Church.

*My night started with a confession. Yes, finally! After 2 Lenten seasons, I was able to confess and to ask for God’s grace. Gee, I confessed everything. As in everything! I got a good sermon from the priest about not having to do “it” again as it is not for me. Yet. Of all the sins I had, missing on my Sunday obligation is the worst that I ever committed. I was asked to pray 3 Our Father and 3 Hail Mary, and to do a Visita Iglesia.

*On my 3rd church, I saw a familiar face. Twas Ate Grace! Haha. Of all places, sa Guiguinto pa. Knowing her, she’ll never let my “outfit” tonight pass without her having to make comment/s. Hahaha. I wore a long polo and shorts, and my malindi (Crocs). 

*I ended the ritual in San Ildefonso Church (our parish).  I have never felt so at home tonight as I spent all my life attending the Holy Eucharist there. Thanks you to my Alma mater, St. martin de Porres Catholic School for the great Christian values you have inculcated in me during my formative years.

I am determined not to commit sins. I will be good. I will let everything be behind me now. I am so looking forward to a better me. And a brighter future ahead.  Papa God,You are my cradle—I know that you will never leave me. Love, love, love.

Bye March

As march ends, let me share these to you:

For the nth time, I’ll say this: the month of March went too fast without me knowing it. Gee, I have enjoyed/ I am enjoying my 40 days (and counting) hiatus from the corporate world. Looking back (February), I was too agonized how/when will I tender my resignation. Hahaha. Very funny because I never had the chance to do so. Thanks to my weekly action plan, I was able to make my intentions known. 

Many were wondering why I am not showing any remorse nor regrets in losing a what could have been “the job”.  I seem unaffected and carefree then because that was what I really wanted. I wanna break away from the routine. I lost the enthusiasm. I was no longer after the monetary rewards for I went after the satisfaction of being recognized. From the efforts I poured, no matter how small they were. And not the minute details of my lapses. 

The sky is so lovely. I am loving the full moon. As a matter of fact (or katangahan), i have been trying to make a decent shot of it. My Sony cam is so busted. Err, my skills pala. Hahaha.

I am to start another chapter of my life. Yes, I am saying hello to everyday stress and grueling load next week. 

Slowly

I can’t take this everyday headache anymore. I feel like my head is about to explode anytime soon. Shit, what the hell is so wrong with my neurons? Lord, no, please? Sometimes, I am afraid to sleep because I fear that I may no longer wake up. My emotional baggage is very heavy now. Help me unload. Let forgiveness in. 

Silly thoughts:

1. I once heard that those that are about to die do always have recollections of their past. They just keep on remembering fondest memories. and with that, I hope that my recollection of stuff is just another “missing” episode.

2. Checked PRC website and I found out that you aren’t any smarter than I am. Yeah, you passed. Hahaha. But not the “inspiration” thingy rank I thought you were. Took you how long to finish? Hahaha. My Math is good nowadays. I have Herbal Essences, will give some to you. If you want. 

3. Paula is home! Yey, I missed her.  I shall see her very, very soon.

4. Chismosa talaga ako. 

At 21

I especially love Gossip Girl’s season 3, episode 15. Gee, I just watched it this afternoon and oh my, Serena’s advice to Little Jenny is very profound. Hahaha. I agree with her that the first one is very monumental. I don’t want to sound prude-ish or whatsoever but I share the same wish. 

Go, watch it. One of the best episodes so far.

* * * *

Just got home from our neighbor’s Pabasa. And on my way home, I can’t help but admire how beautiful the sky is. Another full moon night. Sweetie, take me to Antipolo. Let’s do another stargazing (and some Ifugao moments). Gee, I miss the road trips with pikunan on the side. Hahaha.

My two cents:

Seeing your old pics give me the bumps. Its making me remember the chasing days. I’d rather see the one with uniform and headset. That’s a winner! Hahaha. I love you forever, sweetie. I shall see you soon. Whether near or far. Again!

Effed Up

Swimming/Kikay slumber party did not materialize last night. Nah, I don’t want to expound on that because my blood will boil at Kelvin’s highest degree. Tsk.

Dead

Gee, it’s 1:40 am according to my laptop’s clock. And I am still up. My thoughts are scattered. I can’t seem to recollect them thus giving me another insomnia attack. I am so dead. Dead! DEAD.

1. On my way home (like 10 steps away from our shop), a resident was gun shot by an unknown suspect. It happened 15 minutes earlier my arrival to the our main street. Shit, it was another case of hold up. Thank God, I am spared. 

The sight of the fresh blood is giving me a headache.

2. Seriously, I am really nervous about my 8am-12pm exam as I feel unprepared to take it. I must pass this. 

The thought of failing the test is making me sleepless. No Galathea effect, please?

3. I just read read Rich’s offline message. He asked me about the blog entry I made about RS. Gee, I googled his complete name, voila! my blog site is on page 1 of google results. Kaloka! Di ko naman sya pinintasan ah.

How can I face him in FF? Lord, i must change my club membership soon.

4. James Tamm, the author of the book I recently bought, commented on my entry. Hahaha. He even invited me to attend one of his lectures. 

Gee, how I wish i live in California. 

5. Philippines Bar Exam Results for 2010 was released yesterday. Ranks 1 and 2 are from San Beda. 

Shit, is this a sign? 

2nd Step

It appears to me that I am going to take my Civil Law Entrance exam sans sleep. And the Bar Exam results 2010 is challenging my decision. Is this a sign?

Here is the list of the top 10 successful examiness of the 2009 Bar Examinations:

1] YEBRA, REINIER, 84.800, San Beda
2] TAPIC, CHARLENE MAY, 84.600, San Beda
3] LIM, JOHN PAUL , 84.500, Ateneo Law
4] LAGOS, CAROLINE, 84.400, UP Law
5] TAN, ERIC DAVID, 84.050, Ateneo Law
6] GONZALEZ, YVI RANDOLF, 83.900, Ateneo Law
7] TO, JOAN MAE, 83.650, Ateneo Law
8] BAGRO, HERMINIO III, 83.400, UP LAw
9] LUMAUIG, TIMOTHY JOSEPH, 83.200, Ateneo Law
10] BAINTO, NAELLA ROSE, 83.100, Ateneo Law
10] GO, SHIELA ABIGAIL, 83.100, Ateneo Law

 PS: Congrats to Allen Liberato (sister of Drew) for passing! Yey, lawyer na si Ate Allen. Thank you for helping me during my Thesis days. 

Memory

On my way home, the song being played in the FX is by Franco reyes. Gee, I love you. Exactly my predicament. Hahaha.How do I do it? How do I start?

I’m here
Watch me on display
I’m soul scratched severed inlay
I fear
Wonder if you’d say
Go get going ok ok ok

Adhere to whatever you may
I’m tongue tied twisted hearsay
It’s a severe paralysis
Wallowing insane
Hopeless waiting in vain

Here’s a letter to your pride
Our souls and hearts divide
How can this be
We’re beckoned to a lie
Leave uncompromised
How can this be
Kill that memory

Cold and pale black memory
Of you and me standing still
Kill kill kill

Here’s a letter to your pride
Our souls and hearts divide
How can this be
We’re flailing to decide
Desperate to deny
How can this be
Kill that memory
Kill kill